T-SHITS

As your local IGA checkout chick I bare witness to all areas of society, the good, the bad, the terribly rude, the smelly, the coin counters and the uneducated. Yes, you're starting to get the general idea. But the worst kind of offenders comes in the form of those who wear hideous t-shirts. I stand there every shift, wishing I had others with me to appreciate the general hilarity of the people who choose to wear threads that could only be produced by the devil himself. It was just last Sunday I stood holding back the sniggers as I served a large, greasy middle aged looking man whose choice of t-shirt featured the words DYING FETUS... and that's all there was. No image, and no attempt to explain the phrase that would continue to amuse me for the rest of the day. And it seems the satanic theme is a popular one because five minutes later a similar looking breed of man came in sporting the slogan "I don't hold grudges, but you give me a new reason to hate you every day." The fake blood splattered all over his shirt definitely added to the look. Very effective but never less slightly dark for a lazy Sunday morning.

What possesses these people to wear such hideous t-shirts, we will never truly know. What’s even worse about this whole matter is it always seems to be the people who shouldn't be wearing them, that choose to. A couple of months ago I was waiting in the car, and a father walked out of Woolworth’s holding his young daughters hands. Pretty normal situation right? Yeah, apart from the fact his t-shirt stated: "SEX INSTRUCTOR, FIRST LESSON FREE." one question, whhhhyyyyyyyy?

It’s the same with the obese females who decide to advertise themselves as "hot chicks". NO, NO, NO. You either have a serious case of denial or you're just trying to fool the rest of us, because it doesn’t matter what you write on your t-shirt you will always be ugly. As for those of you who are either "NOT LISTENING" or "DON'T GIVE A SHIT" I seriously suggest you start listening because the people talking are probably just telling you to go buy a new t-shirt, and it really wouldn't hurt for you to take their advise.

Here are some of my favorite examples I found on the Internet of people wearing t-shirts they shouldn't.

mMmMmmMmmm

ohh..? okay

ohhhh you're so dirty, i love a boy without morals

save a tree? eat a beaver? ohhhh mami!!

hahahahahaha

no, no you will not. 

 XOXO ANGEL TITS

devoured

Haters. Unless you're new to the scene, they're not scary or intimidating... and after a while even the humour of having someone so stupid attempting to frighten you will begin to wear off. It's true, they do make you famous, but they don't really make you somebody, just another nobody with the same old story everyone knows is three quarters bullshit anyway. The increased use of technology in the last decade has no doubt made it easier than ever for people to gain a reputation without even leaving their computer- and just to clarify people; it’s really nothing to be proud of. Scattered all over this very blog page are the greatest examples of this left in the form of post comments, read down for a laugh.

They could almost be related to weeds. a garden with one or two in them is pretty much regulation these days, no one really notices the shit that going on till one morning they wake up and find a whole crop growing. By then there's no stopping it. Their interlocking roots have formed networks that run so widespread there isn't any amount of pesticide that will ever fully kill off the prickly enemy. Do what you will, the more you fight it the worse it becomes.

But you know what's worse? Weeds in disguise. You walk out to your garden, and notice a pretty little yellow flower that shot up from your grass, "oh how lovely" you think to yourself. A nice little flower, it aint doing no harm is it now? WRONG. Please don't be fooled my friends because you're going to regret ever letting that monster sit in your own back yard, cultivating the very issue you're trying to solve. It won’t be long before the whole garden bed is ridden with prickles and unattractive dark green spiky leaves, all because you had faith in the little yellow flower.

Ahh she's going off the hook, that probably what you're thinking to yourself right about now. ANGEL TITS has made no attempt at her usual witty rips on the blog world or anyone for that matter... So what am I doing? Well this in response to all you haters out there and specifically to the people that are trusted and simply abuse their liberty. This post is long overdue but never the less relevant. So here is three simple points addressed to literally everyone who falls under this category.

Firstly, fuck off
Secondly, fuck off
Thirdly, fuck off.

PEACE FUCKING PEACE
ANGEL TITS XOXO

if you wanna play the game

You gotta know the rules

It seems simple enough doesn’t it? Well you'd be surprised, there's plenty of people attempting to partake in the game but hardly anyone actually come out with a win, and you know why? They have no idea about the rules... they've probably never even seen the rulebook, and if they have seen it they're probably using it as a doorstop or toilette paper or something else equally useless. Don’t doubt the importance of the rules people, because disregarding them may end up in possible heart break, assault charges or a veeeeery bad rash. Still haven't figured out what I’m talking about? I’ll give you a hint; the guys featured in the post below obviously aren't doing too well. yeppp you guessed it, the art of good old casual has been attempted since the start of time* but hardly anyone manages to keep it how it’s meant to be; no strings attached, uncomplicated and satisfying. So what are the golden rules I’ve spent so long praising?

1. If you're sensitive, don't even bother. The only thing worse than getting hurt is setting yourself up to get hurt. If you can't handle the game, don't fucking sign yourself up for it in the first place? Don’t even go to team tryouts! Games are meant to be fun, meaning never take it too seriously or get caught up in whats happening.

2. Know when to say no, more importantly know when to say yes or you're not gonna get anywhere. And stick to your decisions, it's important to have a solid plan of attack ;)

3. Only do things the things you want. This isn't about the opposition... if it was you'd be in a relationship so you may as well make full use of the situation you're in. on that note make sure the opposition wants what you want or you could come down with several assault charges. Remember; make love not rape.

4. A good sportsman learns from their mistakes, listens to advice, wears the uniform correctly and always strives for optimum results. It's pretty straightforward.


According to the Spice girls, too much of something is bad enough but too much of nothing is just as tough. So keep that in mind and good luck with any future game play -that’s if your good enough to score a position ;)


Keep it kinkyyyyyyyy
ANGEL TITS

*don’t quote me on that I’m just assuming

Lets Be Fuck Buddys

No, seriously.. I'm not trying to pick you up over my blog. That just the name of possibly the most legendary face book group ever. I actually could not believe my eyes as I scrolled down the page and read the posts written by the seediest men/boys ever to lurk World Wide Web.

This guy uses desperation tactics to score,

I don't know whets more appealing about David Scott, his hard to get mentality or his witty pun on the word cum. If only I could handle him...

When fuck buddies go bad, this guy ditches the pun tactics and gives out measurements to lure in the ladies.
Maybe if he hadn't included the part about his dick not working he would stand half a chance. Actually scrap that, wouldn't sound like the biggest wanker alive? Okay maybe not...

Pick whats dodgier, the lacking of a display picture or advertising the want for an affair over the internet?

oohhhh just what every girl is looking for; a desperate, picky virgin!!

Need I say more?

Whats more humorous is the fact that the three posts that actually have photos are of old, seedy looking grey haired men, I mean seriously, their faces are probably as wrinkly as their scrotum.

keep classy bloggers;)

ANGEL TITS ( . ) ( . )

On another note please be aware the identity of Angel Tits serves purely to take the piss. i.e.; IT’S A JOKE as does all other content on this blog page. If you suspect anything will offend you I suggest you navigate to a page with less controversy. Thankyou :)

are you a transperth guard?

Because you've got fine written all over you!

Originally that pick up line began with "Are you a parking ticket?" but I’ve decided the first option is much more appropriate especially for the juvies of Perth such as myself who are so reliant on Transperth. Whether their thirst for power has further developed over the summer holidays or we are simply becoming more aware, there is no doubt about the intensity of the harsh, idiotic and unfair qualities this species possesses.

In an attempt to understand the mind frame of the Transperth Guard I have done some intense scientific research into the evolution of this monster. Evidence suggests the development began when valued Police Officers of Perth began breeding with underpaid Janitors. They are identifiable by their unrecognisable dialects of the English Language, unsociable behaviour, thirst for power and attention and general inability to communicate and spell sufficiently. Occasionally the Transperth Guard will experience an urge for extra power and will leave their natural Habitat of the City Train station and hunt for victims along the railways stretched all around the Perth Metro Area. When unfortunate victims are attacked they will follow their natural instincts and torture their prey for a minimum of ten minutes with methods such as dismissal of any valid argument, refusal to listen and intolerable accents.

So heres the question on everybody’s lips, WHY WOULD I BUY A FUCKING TICKET IF MY SMARTRIDER WAS WORKING? It's not often I use capitals to emphasize a point but I think in this situation it is completely understandable.

Anyway enjoy the rest of your holidays and thank god the 'festive season' is over. Now random seedy men don't have an excuse to come up to you and wish you a "Meeeerry Christmas!" or "Happy New Year". You wouldn't talk to them on a regular day so why do they think that you will just because it’s close to the year’s end?

peace love and unity
ANGEL TITS

a hello and goodbye

hello fellow bloggers? i am not sure if thats what your meant to open with but really i have NO idea what to write on these blog things. I’m sure from reading the above section you probably wont make it to this part as you would have navigated away to some other alternative page with some photos of guys willies on it but this is most probably the only piece of my... well lets call it writing, you'll ever have to read. So listen well.

I have no real message or like angel tits a humorous memoir of teenage life but what I do have is a hello and a goodbye. Firstly my hello is to the cyber diaries and all people who have the time to come and write detailed encounters that are not only interesting but would receive an A in an English exam. That conveniently brings me to my goodbye. My goodbye is on the note that I have never received an A in any subject and quite frankly have the attention span of a nit. In conclusion I find myself inadequate to write a blog.




So Farwell forever from ghetto bootay

desperation nation

Okay so I am well aware that my previous blog was dedicated purely to the critisism of myspace whores but I'm going to have to continue on a similar note. I couldnt help but laugh at some of the wall posts on the group You're online and i want to talk to you, BUT im not saying hi first. Are the people of the world actually becoming more and more desperate or just increasingly stupid? Although we're all guilty of this game after reading these posts i'm starting to realise it affects some a little more than others.

I hate to break it to you ladies, but after the 8th time you've signed into msn in the space of 3 minutes, its pretty obvious that firstly, you don't have connection problems and secondly, no one wants to talk to you.

She really wants you to speak to her i think..

Ever wonder why no one replies?

I think it's time to move on Stephanie

This guy would orgasm at a simple 'how are you?'

On another note,

props to Mr. Hammersley for these images

actually pretty impressed

ANGEL TITS

tacky teens

Fifteen, Juvenile and Really Really Desperate

Looking forward to Summer 0h Ten. - Really excited for having an excuse for taking photos in my bathers<3

people who start rumours are pathetic. don't judge me if you don't know me! don't give a fuck what you bitches say, i do what i want. fucking love gettng messy on the weekend, smoking some dope, getting on the piss. i do critisize and i do judge, and damn i'm not perfect. but i don't give a fuck whether you cunts like me. keep bitching and talking shit and you'll find out what happens when you don't fucking shut your mouth. to be honest i'm so over trying to change to please everyone. that all ends here. i'm starting fresh. living life for myself. sister girlz come first. i dont need no cunts telling me otherwise. i'm the kind of girl who judges people on their appearance. get over it. so sick of bitches who can't shut their traps

twilight, getting a tatoo and a surface peircing asap, peroxide, speaking my mind, wagging school, fuk work, lol. $$$, anything with diamotes, mini skirts, massive sunnies, beach 24/7, getting baked, hidious fake tans, photos of myself, 92.9, raves, shopping at supre, my boyfriend<3 my babes, fighting with mum - wat a bitch! public transport, clarkson rep, extensions that dont match my real colour, teased hair, lots of makeup, SEX, fluro shit, lots of eyeliner, really cute underwear, pinging on pills, smoking some bud, bicardi!! geting messy, having some fun;) myspace! hot boys with muscles, derro boys, naked photos, the pill coz i dont wanna get preggas! lol. little lists on myspace noone can be fucked reading:)

Jason Baby,♥ i luv u so much<3<3<3<3 even though we've only been going out for a week i honestly feel like i've known you my whole life. I can't imagine living without you♥♥. When you pinch my ass and tell me how bad you wanna fuck me i know you are the guy who i'm going to spend the rest of my life with.♥ I can just imagine the day i have your kids.♥ Hopefully not too long now;) Jason Michael Maxwell,♥ you are the love of my life♥<3.

lol, crazy tymz at izzys fluro party

lol, nothing to see here boys;)

spent some big bucks at supre. new outfit.

kanye has nothing on me!

i had just woken up, lol.. so rank

fucking messy christmas aye.

jason baby owns<3

kudos to the bitches who actually have myspaces like this, are they fucking joking?

props to tess and bess for the assistance in the making of this post.

ANGEL TITS

little slice of heaven

butter, dark cooking chocolate, cocoa, caster sugar, eggs and flour

They're the ingredients for the legendary brownies i made today, just so you know.

The recipe I found on google had been written by a woman named Melissa Holmes, whom I can only picture as a pretentious house wife who had nothing better to do than post recipes online with the six casual hours she had to fill whilst her children were attending school. I have to give her some credit though, they really are amazing. Almost as amazing as the impressive salary her husband is probably earning.

at the bottom of the recipe she had added;

'Optionally, add a 1/3 of a cup of finely chopped pecans to the mix, it complements a good cup of coffee beautifully'

-Thanks for that Melissa; you really are saving the world one coffee break at a time aren’t you?

Personally I think if she wanted the recipe to appeal to a wider target market she should have just thrown in the fact that with a good herb blender and a few grams of cannabis the brownies would have complemented more than just a good cup of coffee. Mainly goon though. That would definitely ease the pain of little Molly putting her feet on the good leather couches later on that afternoon, not to mention help the time pass as she irons that load of washing the cleaner forgot to fold yesterday!

The bitter sweet irony of this is that I attend Perth College, where the stereotype of Melissa Holmes most likely originated, but to those who match my description please don’t be offended. After all, who wouldn’t prefer to live you lavish lifestyles within walls that are best suited to the inside of an expensive home furnishings magazine. But for now I’ll stay content with the knowledge I at least get to take away a piece of your living heaven. It comes in the form of the lightly dusted brownie you so kindly provided the recipe for.

Yours truly,

ANGEL TITS

leedie lurking

bess says i'm really indie

ammatures

the world of blogging is a complex environment

i had my first encounter with the cyber world at the tiny age of twelve. i had just discovered the wonders of the world wide web and seemed to think it would be a good idea to form my own blog for girls just like me. I distinctly remember the headline too.. 'a cool site for funky chicks'. Whether it was the fact of two adjectives in the space of 6 words or simply the use of the word funky, it isn't hard to tell that this blog was highly unsuccessful. This was also evidential in the fact that the only comment on my whole blog was from my dad*, because he wanted me to think people were actually reading the misspelt load of 'celeb goss' I had been filling useful internet space with.

 so in this new attempt of success in the blog world at the fresh age of 15, we will inhabit the names of ghetto bootay and angel tits. we are aware of the controversy we have probably condoned ourselves to by choosing these identities but please note our names capture the pure essence of this blog.. taking the piss. after much examination of the blog world we can announce that as a generalisation bloggers take themselves far too seriously. we find humour in the fact that some teenage bloggers take on another persona in order to hide their original identity because they actually believe people are going to care about their illegal or illicit activities they partake in and then proceed to announce/brag about on blog spots. Do they honestly think their behaviour is that notorious that they cannot announce who they are?
reality check- no one gives a shit.

 We are well aware of the limited numbers expected to actually read these words, but instead of this being a place to gain reputation and respect we consider it to be an outlet for the expression on just some of the numerous ideas, opinions and jokes conjured up in a place known as the pc canteen. we encourage other bloggers to take on this ideology when it comes to posting their opinion. Probably the most contradicting aspect of this blog is the fact that out of anybody we are the least capable people of producing anything worth eating away the time of your boredom or interest. In an end to this cynical first post, i have produced a list of reasons as to why we should not be blogging.
1. our attention span and level of dedication is below zero. Anyone to make a bet on how long this is actually going to last?
2. . we're not alternative, not even a little bit.. therefore we do not have any indie poems, fish eye photographs or exclusive song lyrics to decorate our page with.
3. i don’t know about ghetto bootay, but every english test i have completed this semester has come back with concern of grammatical error and spelling
4. our ideas aren’t radical enough and its difficult to inspire us,

RESPECT- ANGEL TITS
* on that note, RIP the days when your parents actually knew what you were doing on the internet