Monday, February 15, 2010

T-SHITS

As your local IGA checkout chick I bare witness to all areas of society, the good, the bad, the terribly rude, the smelly, the coin counters and the uneducated. Yes, you're starting to get the general idea. But the worst kind of offenders comes in the form of those who wear hideous t-shirts. I stand there every shift, wishing I had others with me to appreciate the general hilarity of the people who choose to wear threads that could only be produced by the devil himself. It was just last Sunday I stood holding back the sniggers as I served a large, greasy middle aged looking man whose choice of t-shirt featured the words DYING FETUS... and that's all there was. No image, and no attempt to explain the phrase that would continue to amuse me for the rest of the day. And it seems the satanic theme is a popular one because five minutes later a similar looking breed of man came in sporting the slogan "I don't hold grudges, but you give me a new reason to hate you every day." The fake blood splattered all over his shirt definitely added to the look. Very effective but never less slightly dark for a lazy Sunday morning.

What possesses these people to wear such hideous t-shirts, we will never truly know. What’s even worse about this whole matter is it always seems to be the people who shouldn't be wearing them, that choose to. A couple of months ago I was waiting in the car, and a father walked out of Woolworth’s holding his young daughters hands. Pretty normal situation right? Yeah, apart from the fact his t-shirt stated: "SEX INSTRUCTOR, FIRST LESSON FREE." one question, whhhhyyyyyyyy?

It’s the same with the obese females who decide to advertise themselves as "hot chicks". NO, NO, NO. You either have a serious case of denial or you're just trying to fool the rest of us, because it doesn’t matter what you write on your t-shirt you will always be ugly. As for those of you who are either "NOT LISTENING" or "DON'T GIVE A SHIT" I seriously suggest you start listening because the people talking are probably just telling you to go buy a new t-shirt, and it really wouldn't hurt for you to take their advise.

Here are some of my favorite examples I found on the Internet of people wearing t-shirts they shouldn't.

mMmMmmMmmm

ohh..? okay
ohhhh you're so dirty, i love a boy without morals
save a tree? eat a beaver? ohhhh mami!!
hahahahahaha

no, no you will not. 

 XOXO ANGEL TITS

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

devoured

Haters. Unless you're new to the scene, they're not scary or intimidating... and after a while even the humour of having someone so stupid attempting to frighten you will begin to wear off. It's true, they do make you famous, but they don't really make you somebody, just another nobody with the same old story everyone knows is three quarters bullshit anyway. The increased use of technology in the last decade has no doubt made it easier than ever for people to gain a reputation without even leaving their computer- and just to clarify people; it’s really nothing to be proud of. Scattered all over this very blog page are the greatest examples of this left in the form of post comments, read down for a laugh.

They could almost be related to weeds. a garden with one or two in them is pretty much regulation these days, no one really notices the shit that going on till one morning they wake up and find a whole crop growing. By then there's no stopping it. Their interlocking roots have formed networks that run so widespread there isn't any amount of pesticide that will ever fully kill off the prickly enemy. Do what you will, the more you fight it the worse it becomes.

But you know what's worse? Weeds in disguise. You walk out to your garden, and notice a pretty little yellow flower that shot up from your grass, "oh how lovely" you think to yourself. A nice little flower, it aint doing no harm is it now? WRONG. Please don't be fooled my friends because you're going to regret ever letting that monster sit in your own back yard, cultivating the very issue you're trying to solve. It won’t be long before the whole garden bed is ridden with prickles and unattractive dark green spiky leaves, all because you had faith in the little yellow flower.
















Ahh she's going off the hook, that probably what you're thinking to yourself right about now. ANGEL TITS has made no attempt at her usual witty rips on the blog world or anyone for that matter... So what am I doing? Well this in response to all you haters out there and specifically to the people that are trusted and simply abuse their liberty. This post is long overdue but never the less relevant. So here is three simple points addressed to literally everyone who falls under this category.
Firstly, fuck off
Secondly, fuck off
Thirdly, fuck off.

PEACE FUCKING PEACE
ANGEL TITS XOXO