T-SHITS

As your local IGA checkout chick I bare witness to all areas of society, the good, the bad, the terribly rude, the smelly, the coin counters and the uneducated. Yes, you're starting to get the general idea. But the worst kind of offenders comes in the form of those who wear hideous t-shirts. I stand there every shift, wishing I had others with me to appreciate the general hilarity of the people who choose to wear threads that could only be produced by the devil himself. It was just last Sunday I stood holding back the sniggers as I served a large, greasy middle aged looking man whose choice of t-shirt featured the words DYING FETUS... and that's all there was. No image, and no attempt to explain the phrase that would continue to amuse me for the rest of the day. And it seems the satanic theme is a popular one because five minutes later a similar looking breed of man came in sporting the slogan "I don't hold grudges, but you give me a new reason to hate you every day." The fake blood splattered all over his shirt definitely added to the look. Very effective but never less slightly dark for a lazy Sunday morning.

What possesses these people to wear such hideous t-shirts, we will never truly know. What’s even worse about this whole matter is it always seems to be the people who shouldn't be wearing them, that choose to. A couple of months ago I was waiting in the car, and a father walked out of Woolworth’s holding his young daughters hands. Pretty normal situation right? Yeah, apart from the fact his t-shirt stated: "SEX INSTRUCTOR, FIRST LESSON FREE." one question, whhhhyyyyyyyy?

It’s the same with the obese females who decide to advertise themselves as "hot chicks". NO, NO, NO. You either have a serious case of denial or you're just trying to fool the rest of us, because it doesn’t matter what you write on your t-shirt you will always be ugly. As for those of you who are either "NOT LISTENING" or "DON'T GIVE A SHIT" I seriously suggest you start listening because the people talking are probably just telling you to go buy a new t-shirt, and it really wouldn't hurt for you to take their advise.

Here are some of my favorite examples I found on the Internet of people wearing t-shirts they shouldn't.

mMmMmmMmmm

ohh..? okay

ohhhh you're so dirty, i love a boy without morals

save a tree? eat a beaver? ohhhh mami!!

hahahahahaha

no, no you will not. 

 XOXO ANGEL TITS

devoured

Haters. Unless you're new to the scene, they're not scary or intimidating... and after a while even the humour of having someone so stupid attempting to frighten you will begin to wear off. It's true, they do make you famous, but they don't really make you somebody, just another nobody with the same old story everyone knows is three quarters bullshit anyway. The increased use of technology in the last decade has no doubt made it easier than ever for people to gain a reputation without even leaving their computer- and just to clarify people; it’s really nothing to be proud of. Scattered all over this very blog page are the greatest examples of this left in the form of post comments, read down for a laugh.

They could almost be related to weeds. a garden with one or two in them is pretty much regulation these days, no one really notices the shit that going on till one morning they wake up and find a whole crop growing. By then there's no stopping it. Their interlocking roots have formed networks that run so widespread there isn't any amount of pesticide that will ever fully kill off the prickly enemy. Do what you will, the more you fight it the worse it becomes.

But you know what's worse? Weeds in disguise. You walk out to your garden, and notice a pretty little yellow flower that shot up from your grass, "oh how lovely" you think to yourself. A nice little flower, it aint doing no harm is it now? WRONG. Please don't be fooled my friends because you're going to regret ever letting that monster sit in your own back yard, cultivating the very issue you're trying to solve. It won’t be long before the whole garden bed is ridden with prickles and unattractive dark green spiky leaves, all because you had faith in the little yellow flower.

Ahh she's going off the hook, that probably what you're thinking to yourself right about now. ANGEL TITS has made no attempt at her usual witty rips on the blog world or anyone for that matter... So what am I doing? Well this in response to all you haters out there and specifically to the people that are trusted and simply abuse their liberty. This post is long overdue but never the less relevant. So here is three simple points addressed to literally everyone who falls under this category.

Firstly, fuck off
Secondly, fuck off
Thirdly, fuck off.

PEACE FUCKING PEACE
ANGEL TITS XOXO

if you wanna play the game

You gotta know the rules

It seems simple enough doesn’t it? Well you'd be surprised, there's plenty of people attempting to partake in the game but hardly anyone actually come out with a win, and you know why? They have no idea about the rules... they've probably never even seen the rulebook, and if they have seen it they're probably using it as a doorstop or toilette paper or something else equally useless. Don’t doubt the importance of the rules people, because disregarding them may end up in possible heart break, assault charges or a veeeeery bad rash. Still haven't figured out what I’m talking about? I’ll give you a hint; the guys featured in the post below obviously aren't doing too well. yeppp you guessed it, the art of good old casual has been attempted since the start of time* but hardly anyone manages to keep it how it’s meant to be; no strings attached, uncomplicated and satisfying. So what are the golden rules I’ve spent so long praising?

1. If you're sensitive, don't even bother. The only thing worse than getting hurt is setting yourself up to get hurt. If you can't handle the game, don't fucking sign yourself up for it in the first place? Don’t even go to team tryouts! Games are meant to be fun, meaning never take it too seriously or get caught up in whats happening.

2. Know when to say no, more importantly know when to say yes or you're not gonna get anywhere. And stick to your decisions, it's important to have a solid plan of attack ;)

3. Only do things the things you want. This isn't about the opposition... if it was you'd be in a relationship so you may as well make full use of the situation you're in. on that note make sure the opposition wants what you want or you could come down with several assault charges. Remember; make love not rape.

4. A good sportsman learns from their mistakes, listens to advice, wears the uniform correctly and always strives for optimum results. It's pretty straightforward.


According to the Spice girls, too much of something is bad enough but too much of nothing is just as tough. So keep that in mind and good luck with any future game play -that’s if your good enough to score a position ;)


Keep it kinkyyyyyyyy
ANGEL TITS

*don’t quote me on that I’m just assuming

Lets Be Fuck Buddys

No, seriously.. I'm not trying to pick you up over my blog. That just the name of possibly the most legendary face book group ever. I actually could not believe my eyes as I scrolled down the page and read the posts written by the seediest men/boys ever to lurk World Wide Web.

This guy uses desperation tactics to score,

I don't know whets more appealing about David Scott, his hard to get mentality or his witty pun on the word cum. If only I could handle him...

When fuck buddies go bad, this guy ditches the pun tactics and gives out measurements to lure in the ladies.
Maybe if he hadn't included the part about his dick not working he would stand half a chance. Actually scrap that, wouldn't sound like the biggest wanker alive? Okay maybe not...

Pick whats dodgier, the lacking of a display picture or advertising the want for an affair over the internet?

oohhhh just what every girl is looking for; a desperate, picky virgin!!

Need I say more?

Whats more humorous is the fact that the three posts that actually have photos are of old, seedy looking grey haired men, I mean seriously, their faces are probably as wrinkly as their scrotum.

keep classy bloggers;)

ANGEL TITS ( . ) ( . )

On another note please be aware the identity of Angel Tits serves purely to take the piss. i.e.; IT’S A JOKE as does all other content on this blog page. If you suspect anything will offend you I suggest you navigate to a page with less controversy. Thankyou :)

are you a transperth guard?

Because you've got fine written all over you!

Originally that pick up line began with "Are you a parking ticket?" but I’ve decided the first option is much more appropriate especially for the juvies of Perth such as myself who are so reliant on Transperth. Whether their thirst for power has further developed over the summer holidays or we are simply becoming more aware, there is no doubt about the intensity of the harsh, idiotic and unfair qualities this species possesses.

In an attempt to understand the mind frame of the Transperth Guard I have done some intense scientific research into the evolution of this monster. Evidence suggests the development began when valued Police Officers of Perth began breeding with underpaid Janitors. They are identifiable by their unrecognisable dialects of the English Language, unsociable behaviour, thirst for power and attention and general inability to communicate and spell sufficiently. Occasionally the Transperth Guard will experience an urge for extra power and will leave their natural Habitat of the City Train station and hunt for victims along the railways stretched all around the Perth Metro Area. When unfortunate victims are attacked they will follow their natural instincts and torture their prey for a minimum of ten minutes with methods such as dismissal of any valid argument, refusal to listen and intolerable accents.

So heres the question on everybody’s lips, WHY WOULD I BUY A FUCKING TICKET IF MY SMARTRIDER WAS WORKING? It's not often I use capitals to emphasize a point but I think in this situation it is completely understandable.

Anyway enjoy the rest of your holidays and thank god the 'festive season' is over. Now random seedy men don't have an excuse to come up to you and wish you a "Meeeerry Christmas!" or "Happy New Year". You wouldn't talk to them on a regular day so why do they think that you will just because it’s close to the year’s end?

peace love and unity
ANGEL TITS