are you a transperth guard?

Because you've got fine written all over you!

Originally that pick up line began with "Are you a parking ticket?" but I’ve decided the first option is much more appropriate especially for the juvies of Perth such as myself who are so reliant on Transperth. Whether their thirst for power has further developed over the summer holidays or we are simply becoming more aware, there is no doubt about the intensity of the harsh, idiotic and unfair qualities this species possesses.

In an attempt to understand the mind frame of the Transperth Guard I have done some intense scientific research into the evolution of this monster. Evidence suggests the development began when valued Police Officers of Perth began breeding with underpaid Janitors. They are identifiable by their unrecognisable dialects of the English Language, unsociable behaviour, thirst for power and attention and general inability to communicate and spell sufficiently. Occasionally the Transperth Guard will experience an urge for extra power and will leave their natural Habitat of the City Train station and hunt for victims along the railways stretched all around the Perth Metro Area. When unfortunate victims are attacked they will follow their natural instincts and torture their prey for a minimum of ten minutes with methods such as dismissal of any valid argument, refusal to listen and intolerable accents.

So heres the question on everybody’s lips, WHY WOULD I BUY A FUCKING TICKET IF MY SMARTRIDER WAS WORKING? It's not often I use capitals to emphasize a point but I think in this situation it is completely understandable.

Anyway enjoy the rest of your holidays and thank god the 'festive season' is over. Now random seedy men don't have an excuse to come up to you and wish you a "Meeeerry Christmas!" or "Happy New Year". You wouldn't talk to them on a regular day so why do they think that you will just because it’s close to the year’s end?

peace love and unity
ANGEL TITS